Stress

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm planning to transfer in the fall. On the one hand, this is very exciting and, academically speaking, I definitely feel like it's time to move on from my current community college. On the other hand, the whole thing is incredibly stressful. I have a fairly good idea about which school I would like to attend, but I am not sure yet if they will accept me, or if I can afford to go there if I am accepted. The cost (total - including fees, books, and housing) is about $52,000 a year. That's a lot of money. I am certainly eligible for financial aid, and I intend to apply for merit-based scholarships as well, but I don't know if it will be enough.

Sadly, the actual logistics of the application and transfer process are not the most stressful part of the whole thing. Giant and I have been together for about two and a half years, and we've been living together for a while now. As far as I know (he's a bit vague on this topic) he is not planning on transferring. He has certainly not expressed any interest in applying to the school that I want to attend, despite the fact that they have a fantastic program in his major. Oh, and it's over two hours away from where we live now.

Needless to say, this is creating some conflict. Neither one of us is incredibly good at maintaining long distance friendships, let alone a relationship. So, as things currently stand we are facing the end of our relationship sometime over the summer. The whole thing really sucks. We care a lot about each other, and we've been through quite a bit over the past few years, but that doesn't seem to be enough to maintain things next year.

Really, it's not up to me. I can't just stay here, and if I did I would end up hating him for it. So it's all up to him and he's not making any moves at all. Which kind of hurts, you know. Actually, it really hurts - he's just going to let me leave without doing anything about it. Well, except for acting standoffish and slightly mean, which only makes things worse. If we have to say goodbye in a few months I'd really rather try and make the most of the time we do have together.

I'm pretty sure I've got a lot more to say on this issue, but I'll leave the rest for another post.

Update

I just realized that I haven't posted anything since October! If anyone actually reads this blog, I'm very sorry to have disappeared for so long. I've been very busy graduating and deciding where I want to transfer next year. Now that I've got that figured out I just have to hope my top choice will take me.

In addition to being busy, the winter holiday season is my least favorite time of year, and I've been struggling a bit with my mental health. Now that the spring semester has started and the days are getting longer, things are starting to look up on that front.

As you can see, I've changed the look around here. The background is a tiled version of one of my all time favorite photos. It's the Hubble Ultra Deep Field Image, which contains 10,000 galaxies and looks back 13 billion years. The best part - the section of space shown in that photo looks completely empty to the naked eye here on Earth. For some reason I find the absolute enormity of it comforting.