Moving

Hello and goodbye. I've enjoyed the nearly two years I've spent here, even though I only stop by sporadically. I very much like some of the things I've written here and I intend to leave this blog intact, but I've decided to move somewhere new.

My life has been changing a great deal recently, mostly for the better, and I feel ready for a fresh start online to go along with those changes. While I will still talk about kink and feminism, the new blog will be more focused on gender and queer issues, because that is what is most relevant to my current life.

If you're interested, feel free to stop by some time and check out the new place.

I'm Back

I should probably apologize for not posting in months, but anyone who bothers to read this has most likely come to expect that I only post sporadically.

So, updates...

Giant and I have come to some sort of peace with the fact that our relationship is ending. It's not ideal, but at least everything isn't as painful as it was before. Things would have been better if we could have talked about everything several months before we did. As it stands, I spent so long being hurt and frustrated by his lack of ability to deal with things that now I can't really be as emotionally invested in him as I used to be. I'm not sure if he really understands this, but he seems to at least be accepting of it. I'm glad, because it means that at least we can sometimes be friends again.

Because I attended (writing that in past tense is very odd) a rather small community college, and majored in mathematics, I've had essentially the same peer group in at least one class a semester for the past two years. Needless to say, we've become rather close. Now, everyone has graduated and will be following different paths in the fall. We are all going to miss each other very much, and one of my goals for the summer is to spend as much time with Skeptic, μ, Picasso, and Old Man as I can. I also plan to spend some time with Boy, who made a year's worth of General Chemistry bearable.

I think that's all for now, but I suspect more will be forthcoming. Expect another post to arrive in less than four months this time.

Update

I just realized that I haven't posted anything since October! If anyone actually reads this blog, I'm very sorry to have disappeared for so long. I've been very busy graduating and deciding where I want to transfer next year. Now that I've got that figured out I just have to hope my top choice will take me.

In addition to being busy, the winter holiday season is my least favorite time of year, and I've been struggling a bit with my mental health. Now that the spring semester has started and the days are getting longer, things are starting to look up on that front.

As you can see, I've changed the look around here. The background is a tiled version of one of my all time favorite photos. It's the Hubble Ultra Deep Field Image, which contains 10,000 galaxies and looks back 13 billion years. The best part - the section of space shown in that photo looks completely empty to the naked eye here on Earth. For some reason I find the absolute enormity of it comforting.

Celebrations

Happy Coming Out Day (yesterday) and Indigenous Peoples' Day (today)!

I just learned today that my father was there when the Wampanoag originally suggested that Columbus Day should be changed to a day celebrating the world's indigenous cultures, when he was an undergrad. Very cool.

Also, although I'm very out on this blog already, I'm queer and kinky and if there happens to be anyone out there reading who is curious or unsure about either of those things I would be perfectly happy having that conversation.

And now, a coming out story that I wrote for Coming Out Day last year:

So I kinda feel like "coming out" is much more ambiguous and less easily defined for bi-/pan-sexual/queer people than it is for those who identify as lesbian/gay, but here's my best attempt:

When I was younger I was very unclear about my sexuality. I grew up in a very open-minded town and knew plenty of gay and straight couples in the community, but bisexuality wasn't something that was ever really addressed anywhere. While I knew people who had had relationships with both men and women they were generally described as either "becoming" or "realizing that they were" gay after having had straight relationships.

By the time I was in middle school it was pretty clear that I was attracted to both women and men, not one or the other. I joined the gay-straight alliance and attended the meetings religiously. When I was 14 I kissed a girl at an event sponsored by the GSA. The next day I was approached by another girl in my grade (also a GSA member) and told how disgusting my behavior was. By the end of the day the information had spread throughout the school and I was officially labeled as "the gay girl" (even though I'm not really 'gay' exactly). My school was in a in a fairly conservative small town and this was before it was "hot" for girls to be bi- (which is a whole different issue), so it didn't really go over very well.

Thankfully, I soon transferred to a much more progressive school and most of my experiences since then have been much more positive (although people still assume that I am gay or straight based on who I am with at any given time).

Music is Fundamental

I would first like to apologize for not posting anything in over a month. I tend to have trouble with time. I have some ideas in the works, nothing fantastic so far but we'll see how it goes.

For now though, this was just too neat not to share:

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.

It's the pentatonic scale, made up of five notes rather than the seven of the more common diatonic scale. It may not seem that impressive to someone who doesn't have much experience with music, but I know from experience that people generally don't learn music that quickly.

Also, as a fun side note, when I was younger I used to make up music and sing it to myself. I never wrote it out, just sang - composing as I went and forgetting it almost immediately. The vast majority of that music was in the pentatonic scale, not intentionally, but just because it sounded right.

Inanity

So this is very strange and entirely out of character, especially since I don't even watch reality TV, but the person in question is an old friend. If you are reading this before noon tomorrow (June 24) please go vote for my friend Vicki, who is trying to make it onto the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

He is a brilliant dancer and a wonderful person and has been passionate about drag for as long as I've known him. He actually worked to create a school sponsored drag show in high school ten years ago, which was really fairly revolutionary at the time.

A Week Late...

My condolences go out to the family, friends, and coworkers of Dr. Tiller.  I have little to say on the topic, except to fervently hope that the federal government recognizes this act of domestic terrorism for what it is and acts accordingly.

In other (happier) news, the President has proclaimed June "LGBT Pride Month."  This month marks the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, and same-sex marriage has officially been legalized in six states - Rhode Island is now the only New England holdout against marriage equality.  

Still, I'm not thrilled.  Personally, and perhaps this is superficial, I would really like to see a "Q" at the end of that LGBT.  I wouldn't be opposed to an "I" or an "A" either, although I can see how it begins to be unwieldy.  Queer, though, I think is important; it leaves room for ambiguity.

Free Stuff!!

Apparently sextoys.com is having a sex toy giveaway contest.  Since a girl can never have too many toys, and I am a poor college student, I figured I'd give it a go.  Making my wish list was surprisingly difficult, but I think I came up with a good selection.  Many of the items are things that I can't afford/ wouldn't necessarily spend my own money on but would love to have.

So here's my wish list, loosely grouped by category:

Vibrators:

LILY and ELISE, both by Lelo.  I'm always drawn to Lelo toys when I go to the sex shop; they look and feel beautiful.  They are, however, a little outside of my budget, so this seems like a great opportunity to try and get my hands on a few.

A Waterproof Remote Control Vibrating Egg with a 15 foot range.  Do I really need to explain why this would be fun?  I've been wanting a discreet remote toy for quite a while now, this certainly seems to fit the bill.

Silicone Triple Orgasm Cockring with dual vibes for umm... all around fun.  My $8 mystery-jelly cockring managed to half melt somehow and this seems like a nice upgrade.

Explicitly Kinky:

Locking Wrist and Ankle Cuffs.  I tend to really enjoy rope, but cuffs are great way to restrain someone (generally me) quickly and securely.  Plus, I just don't have any decent ones at the moment.

A Leather Hog Tie, to go with the cuffs of course.

A Wide Tip Riding Crop, because I couldn't possibly get $1000 worth of sex toys without getting anything for hitting (and Giant has been eyeing crops pretty consistently for a while now).

The Little Devil Electric Toy, my reward for making it through an entire semester of electrical physics labs without inappropriately shocking myself (or anyone else).

Dildos, Plugs, and Balls:

I've been lusting after a glass dildo for quite a while, and the Berman Basics Ruby looks like it will do nicely.  I'm seriously interested in the temperature range glass provides, and they are so beautiful.

A Feeldoe Stout.  I've been curious about these "strapless strap-ons" since I first saw one several years ago.  

The Tiger by Fun Factory (in black).  I don't really know what to say about this other than that it is lovely and huge.  5.5" circumference = 1.75' diameter = awesome!  It is sure to satisfy the most intense of penetration cravings and is also fairly intimidating to look at (a serious bonus as far as partnered play goes).

The Tantus Silicone Ripple plug (small - in purple).  Can you tell that I really like silicone?  It's hygienic, easy to sterilize, and the texture and feel is fantastic.

Fun Factory Smart Balls - I've been wanting some for a while.  After all, why wouldn't I want to exercise my pelvic muscles?

And with all those new toys, I'll need something to put them in.  The last item on my wish list is a Lockable Vibrator Case (black), bringing me up to a grand total of $999.15.

Go check out the contest.

Baseline

I'm back.  Not racing or flying or overflowing with inspiration, but not dragging myself through thick mud just to function either.  

It's a beautiful spring day and I'm perfectly content just to be.

Paint by Numbers

I was helping a friend with Calculus homework the other day, and she said something that I thought was really neat; it explains perfectly why I love math.  μ has a degree in art is is going back to school to study STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, & Mathematics).  The conversation went like this:

μ: "To me, math is is this horribly grueling painful thing, but once in a while I will finally understand some part of it well enough that I can just see what is supposed to happen.  Then it's like painting."

Me: "To me it's always like painting."

μ: "I know."

Welcome

 I started writing today in response to this thread at feministing.  I see this type of argument far too often and usually I don't bother to comment, but for some reason today it just got to be too much.  I sent the link to Trinity at pro-sm safe spaces and she wrote a post that quoted my comment.  

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while now.  I have plenty to say and nowhere to say most of it.  I don't get nearly enough chance to write in my daily life, and I like the anonymity of this medium.  It's been a long time since I wrote anything substantial and even longer since I've gotten much positive feedback for my writing.  I guess having my comment acknowledged by someone whose writing I respect today is what inspired me to start this blog now, when I've been toying with the idea for so long.

So, if anyone should happen to stumble upon my musings, welcome.  As long as you are respectful I'd love to hear (read?) what you have to say.