I feel a bit like I'm being unreasonable, but I can't help it. The thing is, he generally just has an easier time of it than I do for several reasons. He's much better at masturbating than I am; I mean, it's a more satisfying activity for him than it is for me. It's not that I can't, or that I don't orgasm, it's just that the orgasms I have from masturbating usually just aren't as good as they are with a partner.
He also tends to be more satisfied with vanilla sex than I am, which is unfortunate because it tends to be easier to arrange. It's much simpler to find time (and space) for a plain old quickie than it is to break out the rope and whatever else (plus, vanilla tends to be a bit quieter).
I get all of that, I really do. The logical part of my brain completely understands that it's mostly a matter of convenience. But there's this other completely irrational part of me that feels fundamentally hurt by the situation as it stands right now. I feel unloved, neglected; I feel like he doesn't care that I'm not happy. Which is ridiculous, he does care and I know that - but I can't help feeling like he doesn't.
This all came to a head tonight. The housemates are out of town for tonight only, by the time we get home tomorrow they will most likely be back. So I had really hoped that we would get to have some real serious fun time to make up for the recent lack, and we did fool around a little earlier. He went up to bed about ten minutes before me, but the light was still on as I headed upstairs. When I got there he put away the computer, turned off the light and promptly rolled over to sleep.
And I just started to cry. I couldn't help it, I had too much energy built up inside me with nowhere to go. I felt like I was going to explode, like I was about to burst out of my skin. So I cried, and then we talked. He asked what he could do to make me feel more like he cares about me, we brainstormed some ideas. I guess we'll see how it goes.